The Colbert Watch

In case you can't get enough of the Stephen Colbert Plans to Sail to Bermuda story—one that I keep bringing up to bolster hope that I'll somehow be included in his island broadcast (have you read my Open Letter to Stephen Colbert lately?)—here's an update for any and all interested parties. Looks like the Comedy Central funnyman officially has a sponsor: According to sources across the web, Colbert will be teaming up with Audi in the 777-mile open ocean race from Charleston to Bermuda this May. "If you're going to win a race, you want to be in an Audi," said Colbert at the 2011 New York Auto Show. "I tried bolting a mast and sail to an S5 Cabriolet and took her for spin on the harbor, and the results were, well...moist! So I decided if I couldn't sail an Audi, I would ask them to sponsor my boat." Taking lead as "Morale Officer," Colbert and crew will set sail this May 21st on a 65-foot ocean-racing yacht dubbed, 'The Audi," with a spinnaker sail featuring the recognizable Audi rings. As for his chances in the race, leave it to the self-proclaimed "greatest sailor in the world" to predict the winner. Said Colbert on the Auto Show stage: "Here's a scoop for all you news types. I am going to win it. Write that down." Done. Now, how about First Mate Steve-O?