The Colbert Watch

Back in February I told you how funnyman Stephen Colbert plans to sail to Bermuda aboard a 65-foot sailing yacht in this year’s Charleston to Bermuda race. It was an exciting announcement, especially since it led to the idea of having yours truly be his guide once he arrives (in case you missed it check out my Open Letter to Stephen Colbert, which outlines a proposed island itinerary). Well, after nearly two months I’ve officially received no word from Colbert's “people” as to whether he’d like to join me for a Dark ‘n Stormy or go shopping for Bermuda shorts at the English Sports Shop, but according to a recent report in USA Today, the stars just aligned a little bit more. Turns out Colbert’s on the cover of this month’s Outside magazine, talking about his past experience participating in the 777-mile race to Bermuda. “There comes a time in every man's life when he must ask himself, ‘What can I endure? Of what mettle am I made?’” Colbert told Outside. “This was not one of those times. I thought this would be a booze cruise to Bermuda.” Reports USA Today, the comedian learned quickly this was no luxury liner. “Boat toilets...are floating Porta-Potties. Ours through an understandable oversight had not been emptied since the Carter administration. We tried opening a relief valve (provocatively called an “ocean cock”) - no go. It had to be pumped by hand. As a father of three, I was used to dealing with other people's waste, so I volunteered, as did two other crew-members...I now knew that I would not drown. I would die from amoebic dysentery.” So why do the Charleston/Bermuda race again? He tells Outside: “What endures is what I can't rightly describe: Looking up at night to see the masts unmoving in your eyes but the stars dancing in synchronized figure eights...Flying fish slapping against the sail...Two ounces of gritty cowboy coffee. Eight friends together in a 45-foot world and alone at the center of a referenceless horizon. I can't explain what that all feels like. I just know I want to feel it again.” So glad to hear you’re on your way, Stephen! But in case you didn’t know, in addition to living here in Bermuda, I’m also a correspondent for Outside Television. Ya know, part of the same company that you just gave that fabulous interview to? Whaddaya say we pair up for a tour of Bermuda, shoot it for Outside TV and everyone goes home happy. Deal? Stephen, I await your reply.