Bermuda Triangle Mystery Solved!

It’s been a decades long question: Why do so many vessels, airplanes and people disappear in the so-called Bermuda Triangle? Theories about the nearly 1,000,000-square-feet slice of Atlantic, which is connected by south Florida, Puerto Rico and Bermuda, have ranged from space aliens to meteorological phenomenon. But according to new reports yesterday, a pair of research scientists have finally found the answer. It turns out the Triangle has a gnarly case of gas. In a paper published in the American Journal of Physics, professor Joseph Monaghan and honor student David May at the Monash University in Melbourne, Australia, determined that methane is the culprit behind the mysterious disappearances. Reports the South Atlantic News Agency, “The two hypothesized that large methane bubbles rising from the ocean floor might account for many, if not all, of the mysterious disappearances of ships and aircraft at specific locales around the world.” The report continues, “Any ships caught within the methane mega-bubble immediately lose all buoyancy and sink to the bottom of the ocean. If the bubbles are big enough and possess a high enough density they can also knock aircraft out of the sky with little or no warning. Aircraft falling victim to these methane bubbles will lose their engines—perhaps igniting the methane surrounding them—and immediately lose their lift as well, ending their flights by diving into the ocean and swiftly plummeting.” So there you have it folks. It looks like Bermuda needs a big 'ol bottle of Beano.