Here Comes The Queen

With four centuries of history to celebrate you’d think Queen Elizabeth would’ve paid England’s oldest existing colony a visit a little sooner, but hey, better late than never right? According to recent reports in the Royal Gazette and Bermuda Sun, the Queen will be commemorating the 400^th anniversary of the settlement of Bermuda from November 24th through the 26th, a three-day trip right here on our very own mid-Atlantic archipelago. It’s a much-anticipated visit and one that was rumored to be cancelled altogether because of backroom dealings that sent four former Guantanamo Bay detainees to live here in Bermuda. I won’t get into the politics of it all, but let’s just say that island residents and British officials weren’t terribly pleased with the results. Details of the royal visit have yet to be unveiled but I’m guessing there’ll be lots of tea sipping and stately motorcade waving—in between likeness appreciation days, of course. You see, the Queen’s picture is just everywhere here in Bermuda. Arrive at L.F. Wade International Airport and you’ll be greeted by a nearly life-sized portrait of Her Majesty hanging above the immigration checkpoint. And there she is again, in the Gold Lounge of the wonderfully historic Fairmont Hamilton Princess, where my wife and I enjoyed fireside cocktails earlier this year (see above). She’s on all of Bermuda’s money too, or at least used to be until the monetary authority phased in newer cash with colorful pictures of long-tailed tropic birds, whistling frogs, and blue angel fish. And then of course there are Bermuda’s coins: Pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, and dollars all with her, albeit much younger, profile. All perks of the job I suppose, although considering she’s been the royal leader for nearly sixty years, I guess she can put her kisser on whatever she’d like. For her sake, I hope it finds a bowl of Bermuda fish chowder at the Hog Penny. Because Your Majesty, it's just that good.

Knucklehead of the Day

Imagine this: You’re headed to Bermuda for a quick weekend getaway and inside your carry-on bag, among the small pack of Kleenex tissues and the overpriced designer lipstick, are eleven bullets you just happened to throw inside it months earlier. Apparently you did this when said bullets fell from your storage closet and you wanted to hide them from a handyman who was tooling around your Oyster Bay home, so you scooped them up and popped them in your purse. No harm done really, except you forgot to take them out then planned a weekend golfing vacation in Bermuda purse in tow. Somehow you got through security at JFK (nice work, TSA) and to your delight played eighteen holes at Mid Ocean Golf Club, but when you tried to board a JetBlue flight on the way back you were arrested for attempting to fly with illegal cargo. Knucklehead, much? I won’t disparage anyone for having a firing range in their basement—although that’s not really my cup of tea—but to think folks are flying the friendly skies with live ammunition in their bags is a bit disconcerting. Fortunately for the bullet smuggler she was acquitted on all charges after a three-day trial last week. “If I had remembered I had put [the bullets] in there I never would have brought them here,” said the accused, Lucy Stackler. “I’m not that crazy.” Sorry lady, but I beg the differ. You crazy. You very, very crazy.

Newsflash

There’s lots of news from Bermuda today, the most exciting of which comes from Fairmont Hotels & Resorts. Welcome to shoulder season folks, when the weather is warm and the prices are low. For seven days only, rooms at the ritzy Fairmont Southampton on Bermuda’s stunning south shore start at $149 per night for stays between November 21, 2009 until April 16, 2010. But you’ve gotta act fast: Sale prices are valid when booked by October 13 (that’s next Tuesday). Best of all, the price includes breakfast daily and unlimited golf at the hotel’s water view executive par three course (cart rental not included). Considering rooms at the hotel cost around $500 and above during peak season, it’s a steal of a deal. For more information, visit Fairmont’s website. In other news, Port Royal Golf Course is gearing up to host the PGA Grand Slam of Golf on October 20-21, which will feature British Open champion Stewart Cink, Masters champion Angel Cabrera, U.S. Open champion Lucas Glover, and PGA champion Y.E. Yang, the first Asian golfer to win a major. In case you hadn’t heard Port Royal is arguably Bermuda’s finest course, having just undergone a $14 million renovation with sweeping water views and a hole that’s widely regarded as the greatest in golf. Spoiler alert: It's the sixteenth. (Got a few minutes to goof off? Check out this game that simulates the infamous hole; click on the right side that says “Slam Dunk” and see if you can get it on the green). Finally, Hamilton is abuzz with the unveiling of its new Heritage Walk, a two-hour self-guided walking tour that takes visitors past bronzed plaques explaining important sites of architectural, historical, and cultural significance in the City of Hamilton. Pick up a foldout map at City Hall on Church Street where the walk begins just out front. Need a boost before your walk? Drop by Juice ‘n Beans on the corner of Front and Burnaby Streets for the best ice coffee in town.

I Get By With...

What’s so great about living in Bermuda you ask? Beyond the completely obvious—beachy autumn weekends, yellow-breasted kiskadees, potent rum swizzles—it’s the opportunity to share my tropical home with visiting friends and family. My faithful readers will remember when I visited the Bermuda Aquarium with my nieces in July or when I explored historic St. Peter’s Church with my family priest. Originally built in 1612—then rebuilt 100 years later after it was destroyed by a hurricane—it’s the oldest continually used church in the Western Hemisphere, a fact that would’ve gone unnoticed had he and his family not dropped by. When my brothers-in-law recently paid a visit we all had a blast aboard the Ana Luna, a 44-foot catamaran chartered for a day sail around the island's east end. Thanks to them I discovered parts of my new home that I'd never seen: The fort at Castle Harbour, secluded wrecks teeming with marine life, and best of all, the stunning Bermuda coastline. So when one of my oldest friends decided to hop a flight from New York how could I protest? In town for a quick weekend, he and his girlfriend saw more of Bermuda than most people see in a whole week. Although much of that can be chalked up to his good planning—like when he arranged for a surprise excursion to go swimming with dolphins. The pre-trip conversation went something like this. Him: “Dave, do they have dolphins in Bermuda?” Me: “Umm, I’m not sure. You mean like dolphin fish? To eat?” Him: “Naaah, to swim with!” Me: “I dunno. Maybe?” Him: “Well let’s see if we can find some dolphins. Everywhere I go there are no dolphins. Did I mention that we really wanna swim with dolphins?” And that’s how we found Dolphin Quest in the Royal Naval Dockyard, by far one coolest places to spend a morning. With three programs to choose from (ranging from the expensive to the very expensive) Dolphin Quest had them in the water by 10 a.m. and swimming alongside the playful mammals by 10:15. About an hour later it was all over, but not before plenty of laughs and wide-eyed smiles. I’m not sure why, but there’s something about dolphins that just make people happy. Maybe it’s their cheerful demeanor or their amazing capacity to learn, whatever it is, I’m just glad I got to see it all with my own eyes—with a little help from my friends, of course.

The Friday Roundup

In case you missed it, this week I connected the dots between New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg, former Presidential candidate Ross Perot, and on-again off-again Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi (spoiler alert: They all live in a ritzy Bermuda neighborhood called Tucker’s Town); I shamelessly self-promoted my latest article in the New York Times travel section, 36 Hours in Bermuda (thanks to everyone for all the kind words); told you about a short-lived JetBlue sale and ways to save at the Bermuda Music Festival (30% off tickets if you book through Expedia); and spilled the beans on my favorite new bar, The Frog & Onion Pub at the Royal Naval Dockyard, where I drank my fair share of Somer’s Amber Ale (yummy, hoppy, goodness). What I didn’t tell you about was this lovely rainbow that appeared over the Great South Bay early Monday morning. Awake earlier than normal, I climbed up my stairs only to be greeted by this stunning double arch (look closely and you can see the second one forming just behind the first one). As my neighbor poignantly said before he zipped away on his scooter, it was one of those “Bermuda doesn’t suck” moments. I couldn’t agree more, although with its endless coastlines, palm trees near pine trees, and happy day mentality, it’s hard to find much to complain about here. Sure, folks who’ve lived in Bermuda for awhile will warn you about island fever, that inevitable moment when you Just. Have. To. Leave. But I imagine the same is true for any small town. Find me a person that’s spent over a year in Ames, Iowa without going nuts. Good luck. So to all those naysayers out there, I say turn your eyes to the sky. Looks like it’s gonna be yet another beautiful day in Bermuda.